On October 8, 2018, my heart grew bigger than I ever thought it could. 

After several weeks of thinking he was going to come at any minute and a false alarm trip to the hospital triage a few days shy of turning 37 weeks, our little Charlie Kubes made his appearance exactly one week ahead of his due date. Throughout the second half of this pregnancy I continued to measure on the bigger side, so we all assumed he would come early. At 38 weeks, I went in for an additional ultrasound to see exactly how big Charlie was and to start a conversation about inducing. At that appointment the sonogram tech estimated Charlie would be a little over 9 pounds at 39 weeks and over 10 pounds if I made it to 40 weeks. Yikes! I remember looking over at Scott and mouthing “there’s no way that’s right.” Turns out the tech wasn’t too far off. 

My doctor called me a few hours after the ultrasound and was like “okay girlfriend, let’s talk about inducing.” At that point, I was all for it. I was induced with Brady and it was a really good experience. 

Fast forward one week later and we’re waltzing into the hospital at 5:30 a.m. to get the Charlie party started. About two hours later, the pitocin was a’flowing and I was sitting pretty in my hospital bed. You wouldn’t have even known I was running on 3 hours of sleep with my freshly curled hair and giddily exuberant demeanor. My nurse came in every so often to turn the pitocin up a notch and eventually the contractions became increasingly noticeable. I decided to ask for my epidural ahead of time since I received mine at the last possible minute with both Brady and Parker. I wanted this delivery to be nice and relaxing. Boy was I in for a surprise. 

The anesthesiologist was a hot commodity that morning and I was fourth in line for my epidural, which was totally fine at the time since I had asked a little further out. Over the next hour my contractions got stronger and I was really feeling the pain. Scott finally asked for an ETA on my magical epidural and we were greeted with some unfortunate news: there had been an emergency c-section and he, along with several nurses, got pulled away as he was on his way to my room. 

My thoughts at that moment: #$%^&*. 

My nurse started giving me a pep talk and I think I blacked out for a minute. When the nurse left the room I squeezed my husband’s hand and shed a few tears. I had no idea how I was going to deliver Charlie naturally, especially with how big I knew he was going to be. I was scared but I also knew that I could do it somehow, someway. All I had to do was think about how close I was to meeting my baby and remind myself that women do this everyday. At this point, I didn’t really have much more time to dwell on what was happening. I was almost dilated to a 10 and nurses began coming into the room to get things set up. Not long after, I told my nurse I felt like I was ready to push. 

My doctor, who practices across the street from the building I was in, miraculously appeared within minutes. From this point on, everything happened very fast. My legs went up in stirrups, my doctor broke my water and I began pushing shortly thereafter. I pushed once or twice during the first contraction then twice on next contraction and Charlie was out. It was the fastest delivery of all time. 

They immediately placed Charlie on my chest and in that moment I felt a rush of emotions that I didn’t totally experience with my other deliveries. I felt it all. Overwhelming joy. Love. A crazy amount of relief. And really, I was just so damn proud of myself. I never thought I would ever have a baby naturally because I honestly didn’t think I was strong enough to do it. I can tell you one thing, I will never doubt myself or my abilities ever again. It really is incredible that we as women are capable of growing and birthing a living, breathing human being with our bodies alone.  

I’ve always dreamed of having three babies and I can’t explain how much happiness I have now that Charlie is in the world. He’s made me a stronger woman and a more confident mother. I can’t wait to watch him grow alongside Parker and Brady, and I’m just so thankful that I was chosen to be their mother. They are all my greatest joy! 

xo

Jen